Dedalus Diggle will kiss you on the mouth for Piaf

( Dedalus D. Diggle )

( Where in the World is Dedalus Delwyn Diggle? )

[Order of the Phoenix]


Do we actually have any solid plans as of how to get to Japan? Are we going to Japan? Is that what I heard? I'm terribly sorry, I was tending to my mother and grandparents. They're terribly cross and have blamed the episode with my kitchen on fire on your truly and not whatever those horrible brutish things were, but no matter! Elena dear, what did I tell you about the older generation being terribly good at evacuating? It's those war days before I was born, it was, when one always had to be prepared.

I do hope all of us are all right, but yes, more to the point?

Have arrangements been made for our safe passage yet? It's a bit of a journey. Though I do know of some lovely places to visit in Japan - I do, for selfish reasons, hope we find a need to travel to Osaka. For one primary reason - takoyaki.

Speaking of which, I have found a standing fruit stall within the reconstruction effort, and if anyone else would like to go with me to fetch more food, they are more than welcome to.

[Order of the Phoenix]


I simply cannot stop the fires from coming out of the water pipes and they apparently have gotten into the icebox and even shielding charms do not work, my dears. I do not know what they are or what is going on and I can't very well keep an eye on my journal while there is something that wishes to devour my paper, can I? No, my dears, I cannot.

I would have sent a Patronus message to the safehouse but I just see so many angry words and scorchmarks all over my journal now that I have opened it and I see something about elephants and the diadem and are there really elephants out there?

Where is everyone? And where is Petunia Dear and the baby?! Is Petunia Dear safe with the baby somewhere?

Now clearly I am here in the dark - quite literally as well as figuratively - I have holed myself up in the pantry with the nonperishable foods because I simply do not know what else to do. There is a little bit of light coming out from under the door and I do believe it is the fire spirit or demon or creature or whatever they seem to be. Have we discovered what they are? Have we? No matter. I seem to have hidden successfully from this force in the kitchen but I suppose it is only a matter of time before it manages to find me and of all the things I have ever had to survive, this is quite a dilemma. To say the very least.


At any rate, I do hope everyone else is as well as one could be in these confusing circumstances?


[Stella]

Stella Dear? Frightfully sorry, my dear, did you need something?

[Warded to the Order of the Phoenix]


So I do believe the fish situation in the bathtub is resolved, yes? I do hope so. I very do hope so. I don't wish to call a plumber but I am concerned about my pipes being all connected and something being able to be flushed down the toilet appearing in the bath, but I shall quell my fears of clean water and chalk it up to something else. I am still wondering if it an animagus fish, but I do not believe any of our current enemies are able to muster such a thing.

It has also come to my attention that some of us want to have a little more Christmas spirit in the house, yes? I believe I can help with that. My mother has a recipe for couscous with mint and pomegranates and it is Christmas colours, can you imagine? It is bound to get us in the holiday spirit, no question about it, my dears.

[below ward fail due to spellotaped photographs - PUBLIC]

I have found a decent, festive tree for us as well.



It is not a pine or a fir but perhaps it shall do, yes?

Oh it is just a joke but I find myself amused by the goats, I do.


Also, Mushroom is a bit agitated and snippy, so please, my dears. Do stay out of her way. She is just having a bit of a tizzy lately, and it is just part of her phase.




Do let me know if you need anything else, my dears.

1 kg monkfish tail, cut into chunks
5 tomatoes concassed and mashed
1 tsp tomato paste
2 bell peppers (green would be the most attractive) - deseeded and cut into strips
2 small eggplants - sliced into small rounds
1 onion - medium dice
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp ras el hanout
½ tsp harissa
1 bunch fresh coriander - chopped
1 bunch flat-leaf parsley - chopped
1 clove chopped garlic
Good olive oil
Salt & pepper


Heat the olive oil in the tagine over a high heat.
Add the onions and cook until golden.
Add the garlic, ras el hanout, cumin and paprika, stir in tomatoes.
Thicken/reduce the mixture by half over a medium heat.
Add the harissa, peppers, eggplants and 1 glass of water
Cover and simmer over a low heat for 25 minutes.
Add the monkfish, cut into chunks (you can let it marinate the night before in lemon juice and salt), baste fish with sauce.
Cover the tagine and let it cook for a further 20 minutes.
Sprinkle the herbs into the tagine and cook until fragrant, serve in dish.



Some say this is good with couscous but even just bread is wonderful. And my dear, don't you fret about finding a tagine. I have one for you to use already. Nobody here uses it, as my dear mother, she is a fantastic baker, but her cooking leaves something to be desired.

[Order of the Phoenix]

I do love Morocco for the holidays ever so much. I do know for the lot of you this is probably not what you would ideally love for the Christmas hols season and such, but hopefully you will all love it as much as I do. Little red boxes of dates and bright mint tea and I do know a place that makes couscous with pomegranates and it's just ever so cheery.

I apologise for being out of the house so much, I do have a lot to catch up with and I haven't been home for quite some time. I've also had to procure presents for my mother and grandparents for, as many of you have probably heard my dearest mother remarking about, I have abandoned them in this country that they never quite cared for either way. At any rate, yes, I have been gone for the past couple of days upon arrival, but my presents are bought and things seem to be patched up well enough, so I am your humble guide for our time hear, my darlings.

I do hope everyone is comfortable in their rooms, as well. Are sleeping arrangements suitable for everyone? Do let me know, I have quite a linen closet here. Though I do need to clean it out, I'm sure it's a bit dusty as it has been a while since I have been here, and mother was never much for purple paisley but that's neither here nor there, really.

You know the drill, so to speak, dears! If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to let me know.


[Stella]

My darling, have you found tea to your liking yet?

If not, hopefully a photograph shall sweeten the trip for you.

( Spellotaped to the page for Stella Tripe )

[Warded to Order of the Phoenix]


Are people apparating in here or is that the sounds of another hex or curse I am unfamiliar with?


My wand has stopped sparking so perhaps they have all calmed down, and if we can apparate out of here I suggest we do before they put up anti-disapparating shields. They are keen to do that, if you remember London and such. Though many of you do not remember that because I believe you were at a hamburger restaurant, were you not?


Anyways, yes. Has someone tried to apparate yet successfully? If not, I shall try. I do want to be sure, as Petunia Dear, we shall get you all out of here, don't you fret my darling.

[/end ward]


[written sometime later, hastily unwarded and PUBLIC due to dodging curses thrown at him upon apparating outside the pyramid and coming back in quickly]



YES. ALL RIGHT. EVERYONE OUT QUICKLY MY DEARS. I AM POPPING BACK IN TO GATHER EVERYONE AND WATERCRESS AND PETUNIA SO LET'S ALL ABANDON SHIP SO TO SPEAK.

[Warded to the Order]


Oh dear I am in such desperate need of a smoke right now that I am getting the shakes and I seem to have lost touch of the group I was with. Though I did have to take a quick side-trip to save darling Nar someone stuck in a pitfall but I found Watercress! He is not blind, contrary to popular belief, as he was perched near some sort of lever I don't wish to pull at the moment. I imagine it may be another pitfall and that is the last thing we need.

Marlene darling, are you safe I do hope? And Petunia dear? Gideon tells me I'm to tell you to not shoot anyone, especially not an Auror, as we'd only make things worse. Besides I am under the impression that they have gun training also. Mr. Mercier once shot a pheasant back in Louisiana and it was one of the most attractive things I've ev Oh dear it was Yes, well, do be careful my dears.



On that note, while I'm here with Watercress and gathering our bearings, shall I inquire everyone's status? Who is here and who is all right and who is in need of assistance and who is in a pitfall and who is still holding onto Franklin's arm for guidance? You lucky misguided persons, you.

And is that one of you with the baritone voice saying the word "chirp"? It sounds oddly familiar and it is making Watercress agitated. So please stop, kindly.


So yes. Roll-call or check-up or hob-nob or so to speak, darlings!


[Edited in soon after]

And if anyone encounters a missing sole shoe without its mate, do collect it. It's a Fall collection 1978 Frangio. Thank you for your time, Loves.

[Failward to Order and posted PUBLIC because this is a major shopping find - note: This would be another one of the hats, identical to the one Diggle transfigured into a copy of the diadem when he swapped it, which is now in the Death Eaters' hands]

YOU DARLINGS. LOOK WHAT I HAVE FINALLY FOUND IN THE MARKET!

I thought I had lost it forever in that raid and such.





MARLENE DEAR. Now we can make another copy of the diadem for you! Since the other one went so splendidly that that one Quidditch murderer chap actually thought it was real and it could make him smarter. I MEAN CAN YOU IMAGINE?! I may be bragging but that is one of the best achievements of my life, really. So convincing and clearly so. CLEARLY.

I am buying one and if anyone else would like one, please do let me know before we go off to visit the pyramids. Petunia dear and darling, are you and Vernon ready? Marlene Darling?

Watercress and I are ready and Andronicus is nearby and my dears, anything else anyone needs before we leave the market? Do let me know soon, my darlings. I am feeling frightfully generous as one does when they have a wondrous shopping day.

Or if you'd like to come with us to the pyramids, please do!




What a fantastically lovely weekend. I do say.

I don't appear to have much time and it is frightfully difficult to hold a shielding charm and hide in a closet while writing but I believe I am managing just fine!


Now I believe I found it. I also found some beautiful jewelry and some Frangio originals that we may be able to pawn for some spending money for supplies or just to keep and normally I would say it is wrong to steal but we are in dire situations, all of us, and need all the assistance we can manage.

But yes, dears. I think it's real, also.

If someone would like to come join me and see what else we can snag from this room or confirm the validity of the ugly diadem, you are more than welcome to come up. Especially if you have a way to safely get out of here because that would be very helpful.

See, I knew my skills of rummaging through sample sales would pay off someday. And my shield charms are still as good as ever.

I see some of you could use my assistance in that, actually.

However, not important! I believe I have the diadem! So what do I do now, darlings?!

[Failward private - drunkenly warded to Order of the Phoenix]




Ideas:

1) Owls. Scout area. Problems - never sent post to Candy. If unplottable, owls can only locate general area. Closest they've ever gotten is within three kilometres. Second problem - Candy Dear is a muggle. Does not work as well as it could with witches and wizards. Do not know why.

2) Ask around and see where pies can be made. See where pies have been delivered. Or who has been buying pies. Draw up radius around pie-location areas. Can't be too difficult, can it? It's a longshot.

3) Exploit known tagalongs of Death Eaters? There's that girl with the frilly knickers who can't ward her journal who was waiting for that big blonde one to "come home". Perhaps we can get information out of such people.

4) See if the Aurors have any whereabouts on their new location. Not a good idea. Aurors are brash and likely to attack anyone in the premises regardless of Candy being Candy and thus not a Death Eater. No offense to the Longbottoms and such.


Oh bother

[Order]


"Burton Nightingale" (now that would be me with my forged press pass and my disguise moustache, I will remind you, dears) was just released from the civilian healers after the raucous at the convention. I believe someone caused an explosion below the corridor I was in and I got a nasty bit of it. Luckily, nothing to worry about. The healers say the bones of my kneecaps should regrow in a day or so. Are kneecaps bones, darlings? I wouldn't quite know.

That being said, I am all right, and have returned to the hotel and am just now reading through the journal and I do see an awful lot of blood-spatters and this has all been put into context spectacularly for me. Thankfully the Healers scooped me up before it all got too dangerous, though I do trust we are all accounted for?

As my legs both do have the stability of cooked bucatini at the moment, I don't believe I can offer any direct assistance, though my darlings have been looking out for any sign of trouble. Shall I send for further reinforcements? My mother and grandparents are only a Morocco away, you do know.

Well I do feel the pain potions kicking in as the Skele-Gro seems to be working its magic now, and I am going to try to pass out have a drink and go to sleep so this doesn't hurt too much. But if anything does happen, dears, please do let me know.


[Warded to Rita]

Rita Darling! Are you alive? Oh please do tell me you're alive. Obviously you can tell I am, as if I was not I would not be writing in my journal and such.

Now you see, my dears and darlings? What have I told you? There is some good in everyone. Sometimes one must just be patient and have faith that some can find the errors in their ways. It's such a relief, really. To every dark cloud there is a silver lining, now that is what my mother has always said.

Good for her, that is what I say. Good for Bellatrix. The poor dear.


[Warded private to Order]

Now, Petunia Darling. I shall take you out to the market to buy some things to make some Egyptian delicacies if you like! I was thinking about where to start and I do think falafel is right and good. Delicious, really. Have any of you had falafel? If you haven't you must. If you haven't I have to also wonder where you go when you need something fast and greasy to eat after a long night of pubcrawls and clubs in Soho and such. Because I? I go to falafel. And kebab. Because they are simply always open.

But more to the point. Falafel, dear Petunia, you will love it. I have seen what you can do with a can of soup and dehydrated oniony powder and such and it is just divine and heavenly. Anyone who would like to join us is more than welcome to. You may even pick up some Arabic! And isn't that exciting! Lovely language, really.

[/end ward]

[Warded to Order of the Phoenix]


Oh dear, my dears. What ever did I miss. I do apologise profusely, as I have to confess, I have been in disguise at the conference. Such fascinating things, really. I do love the properties of different kinds of magical dyes and their effects on cloth. They have entire panels that discuss it. It's really quite fascinating and useful, really. Did you know if you put taffeta into a mixture crafted and perfected by this charming man named Erasmus Waddington, it never crinkles? Ever. The wonders of modern magic, I do swear. I don't know why I didn't get involved in this more often. I wish I would have had Waddington's Water around when I was trying to photograph a vintage Malkin original gown in the jungles of Madagascar. But no. The weather would not have permitted that the cloth actually behave. It took numerous lunches to calm down old Madam Malkin. Never again. I swear. Never again.

More to the point. Has anyone else been keeping up on the events of the convention? I haven't been able to find Flamel at all, though of course it is a bit difficult when your identity is Burton Nightingale and who in the world knows Burton Nightingale anyways. Nobody in Cairo, I will tell you that.

Speaking of Cairo, I should advise you dears on something I learned my last time here.

Please take care not to get trapped in a pyramid trying to test the acoustics within the royal burial chamber. It doesn't matter how well you can sing Dusty Springfield with your voice sounding that way. Darlings. Dears. It is not worth it. I learned that the hard way, so to speak, when I found myself and dear Penelope darling that I'm sure some of you have met before taking a lovely post-cocktail lunch tour of the pyramids. If you must go in the pyramids, do take a tour guide.

( Spellotaped into the journal and tl;dr. )


[Warded to Rita Skeeter]

Rita darling, did I ever tell you about the time I got stuck in a pyramid with Penelope? I'm almost certain I did. At any rate, dear, please do not find yourself stuck in a pyramid. It's not a pleasant enterprise.

Now darling, have you been covering the convention at all? What ever have you heard?

[Warded to the Order of the Phoenix]


I have a fabulous, incredible, amazing idea.
Would you like to hear it, darlings?

One of you should apply as Frangio's new assistant.
I mean I would if I could, of course, but I simply am unable to go undercover in the fashion world for obvious reasons, you know. I was PART of that world. And I do miss that world terribly, dears, but it cannot be helped.


Andronicus has inspired me by pecking at Frank's blood in the journal again. Frank. I'll be honest. You are an incredible looking man. Incredible. YOU SHOULD BE A MENSWEAR MODEL. Undercover! Oh now wouldn't it be fabulous? And helpful, too!

Think about it, lovely ones!
[/end ward]


It's like Christmas but better. Fashion season. So utterly exciting.

[Warded private to the Order + those extra staying in the DeCosta house]


So now that I do hope we are all settled in and we have sufficiently calmed down, I believe it may be a good idea to put our attention to other things. I do know some of you subscribe to Witch Weekly, and while I don't because frankly I believe the fact that I still receive it every week to be a hoax or a prank or a mean trick, I won't turn down seeing pictures of dress robes and attempts at fashion photography.

Now you may all be in a state from yesterday but let me remind you. It's just a proven fact that photography can calm a person down and put their mind on other things.

Now Candy dear. I recently saw that lovely, exquisitely gorgeous photograph you took of the city street from such a height so I did think you would appreciate some of these photographs from Witch Weekly.

Though disregard this one because it is one of mine I found reused in an article about flirting with Quidditch players and you'd really think they'd have moved on and found a new set of photographers to draw from. Ah well. They did have the best with me.




Now I will tape more in shortly. Do give me a moment, dears.

[left unwarded in a haze of smoke and giggles and coughs]



My dear Mushroom is all ready for the American version of Guy Fawkes day. I'm only assuming. They like lighting things on fire and oh I have forgotten, FIREWORKS. Muggle fireworks! I LOVE fireworks! Even if they got my house attacked but oh you see this is different and this is the fourth of the month of July and even as one proper Englishman who belongs to a country where I was kicked out of this one from because we taxed the ever-loving hell out of the colonists or something and things were so much different then and it was when there were still pirate ships and they all fought us in Boston and such other places with charming cobblestone streets I can appreciate a holiday of independence and fireworks and brass bands and barbecuing meat in tube form. Brass bands and meat in tube form.

That reminds me. I was reading the fights in the journal as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford for Mushroom before I put the darling bowtie on her to dress her up a bit and I am still lost and loves, that is what I get for being such a stylish father.




Would someone please like to fill me in to exactly what is happening here? Would you, lovelies?



Because I am going to say something that I probably shouldn't be saying but I am among friends and it is a holiday weekend after all.
I am way too high for this.

[Warded private to the Order]

( Cut for typical Diggle entry length )
[/End ward]


[Private to Rita Skeeter]

Rita Love! You've finally arrived here?! Oh how I wish I could see you, Darling. Perhaps I can manage it. I have missed you so much. Perhaps I shall send you a present. Oh darling I haven't seen you in ages and I wish things were different and I'm likely to get emotional so I do just hope you're well and such.
[/End ward]

[Private to Juliet Willis]

Now darling I have been reading so much about you lately! Where are you, Love? Are you still in England? How are you? Are you well? Oh how I've missed you so much, dear.
[/End ward]

[Warded private to the Order]

I don't know how much time I have to write in here but they have put Lily and I and some other bloke who I don't really recognize though he seems polite enough into a room together and we have one bed. They have taken our wands and warded the room and I cannot see out the window or else I may be able to tell you where we are which is a right shame. I think they have that Quidditch player boy here because he looked familiar when he was trying to find my wand and I think I smiled at him because Merlin the bone structure and said something because he hurried away and didn't find my journal and isn't that fortunate? We need all the fortunate things we can find right now and that's what I keep telling poor Lily dear. I've been in worse, I believe. Did I ever tell you lot about that time I got stuck in that awful Vietnamese war camp? Well I was. And I came out just fine. Then again I was able to apparate away but still the thought stands. We're still alive, aren't we? And we are. I believe they are all asleep and I will try to write whenever I can because they haven't put anyone in the room with us yet. And that awful Bellatrix woman who knows nothing about photography and insulted Frank's attractiveness looked a right mess. So I believe she may be incapacitated for the time being.

So yes. I will continue to hide the journal under the bed or still in my waistcoat. Please do not make any of those awful charms to cause our journals to ring or shake because of course I do need to pretend I don't have it on me at all. Do not fret. We are fine and safe for now. They may want to torture us but now we just can't think about that yet now can we.

And if Mushroom and Andronicus start acting up just tell them that their Father is fine and play them one of those Edith Piaf cartridges. That should settle them down.

I do trust you're all safe and sound and in better circumstances than us, but of course these things happen, Dears.